A sexless menage a trois. At least as far as I know.

For someone who is struggling under the aching weight of lonliness, I seem to be spending a lot of my time with attractive single gay men these days.

Firstly there's KCG, with whom I'm developing an exceedingly odd relationship. The last time I saw him in the flesh was two weeks ago, when I took him out to a fancy and rather expensive restaurant for his birthday. Perhaps that was too much for him - since then he's made no attempt to see me. We've chatted online and by text, usually at his instigation, but the one time I asked him out, last Thursday, he was busy. He doesn't know that I know that it was because he had a date.

How do I know it was a date? Because I was with the same guy over the weekend. He's the Human Dynamo I mentioned in this post, and I've seen him on average once a week over the last month, always at his invitation. We spent the Saturday before last at a sporting event, at which I got to meet some of his friends, and we spent last Saturday and Sunday with different friends of his at a house party in the country. The house party may sound like an excuse for a dirty weekend, but absolutely nothing happened. I made a couple of subtle overtures, but I got no response. Although everyone there knew we were gay, we didn't do anything that a couple of perfectly straight guys wouldn't have done.

So there's a weird relationship triangle going on between me, KCG and the Human Dynamo. I commented to KCG a while back that this sort of thing never happens in straight dating. He responded that it could easily happen that two guys might find themselves dating the same girl... HD being the girl. And by that he clearly means that he sees our relationship as being as unromantic as that between a couple of buddies.

So HD likes me... as a friend. And KCG likes me... as a friend. I don't think that they're getting heavy with each other, but if they did, that'd be just typical.

To be honest, beyond mere lust I don't have much interest in HD. He's fun-loving and we make each other laugh, but we're very different people and he's clearly not interested in anything physical. If he wants to keep inviting me to interesting places and introducing me to fun people, I'm more than happy to go along for the ride.

With KCG, on the other hand, I'd welcome something more serious, but we both know he's out of my league and I can't offer him what he wants in a boyfriend. The sad truth is that while KCG is entertaining, intelligent, funny and kinda cute, I'd be tempted to simply give up on him if I weren't absolutely convinced that he's my passport to a better life. Yesterday as a tangent to something we were discussing online he sent me the Facebook profile of his ex-ex-ex-boyfriend, and he was perfect. Not perfect in the hard-bodied, golden-tanned sex god kind of way, but perfect for me. Not too good looking or fit, but caring and thoughtful and confident, with similar interests and values to me... exactly the sort of man I imagine when I dream of someone at my side. Unfortunately he has a long term partner now, but he's exactly the type that I never meet but KCG seems to know in abundance. If I ever want to meet a great guy, it appears I have no choice but to cultivate my pathetic friendship with KCG.

Some friendly advice for a guy I saw on gaydar.

Don't claim to have a large penis if a) you have a picture of it on your profile and b) it isn't.

We can all see through your subterfuge, you know.

The reason why I'm feeling stressed today.

There's nothing quite like the feeling you get when an advanced spam bot hijacks your email account then sends cunningly personalised spam to every guy with whom you've ever flirted, chatted, rejected or been rejected by. All of these relationships, some held in a delicate detente, are suddenly ambushed by a computer program that leaps into them like a large, brainless dog bounding into a pond full of sleeping flamingos.

Make that a large, brainless, EVIL dog.

Aim for the moon!

It occurs to me that when I mope around fantasizing about a relationship with someone like KCG, I'm being a poor excuse for a gay man. He is, after all, only kinda cute.

If I'm going to wistfully yearn for men I can't have, I should at least go for the top shelf models.







That ass is so perfect you just want to grab it and sink your teeth into it. Suddenly KCG isn't quite as important as he was...