One year on...

It's been exactly one year since I last posted on this blog, so I thought it'd be worthwhile updating it.

The most important thing that's happened is that the cute 25 year old Brazilian mentioned in the last few posts went on to become my first ever boyfriend! We were together around six months, until a serious soccer injury forced him to return to Brazil for surgery.

Now before you clasp your hands together and sigh, "Awww, at last GTR has found true love!", there's a few things I need to make clear. 

The first is that although he initially planned to move back to Australia early this year... that never happened. Finances, family and work conspired to keep him in Brazil, where he now has a new (and more age-appropriate) boyfriend. So this relationship is definitely in the past tense.

The second is that I never loved him. I cared for him, deeply, and still do, but I never crossed the line into love. I'm sure he never loved me either, although I know he cared a lot about me too.

The third is that as far as boyfriend relationships go... it was pretty crummy. He was very demanding and seemed to seek drama for drama's sake. Nothing I did was ever good enough for him. Even the sex became an exercise in making him happy with little joy for me. If he hadn't left when he did, I'm sure we would have broken up within a couple of months.

But if that gives the impression that the relationship was horrible or that I regret our time together, it shouldn't. He was my first boyfriend and I was his first boyfriend. He was beautiful and affectionate and we had a lot of fun together. We even took a holiday to Bali together, just before he left, thus fulfilling one of my long-term fantasies. And let me tell you, he had a spectacular ass.

Best of all, though, is the fact that now when I'm out on a date and he asks me, "So, when was your last relationship?", I have an answer, and a breakup story that doesn't assign blame to either party. I can speak confidently about "my ex", rather than trying to avoid the question or apologise for being a loveless loser. That alone is worth everything I invested in the relationship and more.

So where am I now? The closest I've come to a relationship this year was six weeks of dating a sweet and funny guy who suddenly blanked me for no reason that I've been able to ascertain. 

Other than that, it's just the usual disappointments punctuated by occasional moments of hope. I've been averaging sex once a month - with the twinky boy visiting from Sydney whose world I rocked, with the Malaysian bodybuilder who lost interest after two encounters, with the hot but strange guy who desperately wanted me to pound him without actually pounding him, with the cute but repressed young guy who made such weird noises while we fucked that it put me off seeing him again, with the sexy MMA fighter whose sexual skills put him way out of my league (a fact he realised after one night together and never saw me again), and with the guy I could have seen a lot more of... but I was only visiting his city for a day.

So more of the same, really. But at least now I can no longer say, "I've never even had a boyfriend." It's kind of appalling how much comfort I take from that.