My life is like a Romantic Comedy, but not in a good way

I've been in a perpetual bad mood lately. It ebbs and flows, increasing and decreasing, but it always seems to be there. I'm snappish, intolerant, snide and officious, with a simmering hostility to everything and everyone who doesn't meet whatever criteria I consider applicable. I've been demanding at work, sullen with my friends, and pugilistic towards myself.

And to my embarrassment, over the last couple of days it occurred to me that if people said behind my back, "Whoa, does that guy need to get laid or what", it'd actually be true.

I'm a walking example of that sad cliche seen in a hundred movies and TV shows; the petty uptight tyrant who would be transformed into a mellow cruiser with a judicious dose of hot lovin'. I'm that pathetic character redirecting all of his frustration and thwarted desire onto the hapless people around him. If my life were a movie, it'd be at around this point that the hero organises a sexy friend to go out with me and jump my bones, and then we'd have a scene of me bounding into the office the next morning with a big stupid smile on my face, while the soundtrack plays an upbeat pop song (I'm thinking "I'm Walkin' On Sunshine" myself). Everyone relaxes and the hero's plans can resume unimpeded.

Unfortunately, there's no hero with a sexy friend in my life. I do know a couple of guys who would be happy to get me naked, but they're not sexy. They're very definitely unsexy - my skin crawls at the thought of them touching me. If such a coupling ever came to pass, it'd be even more miserable and unpleasant to be around than I am now.

Maybe I just need to be an even bigger bastard, so that someone eventually snaps and says, "Damn it, I'm either going to have to get him laid or kill him, and I've run out of bullets!"