Frot you talkin' 'bout, Willis?

I'm sure I'm not the first person to have thought that "frottage" sounds less like a sex act and more like a rather sour French cheese. It must be one of the least onompatopaeic words in the English language. I'm also sure that I'm not the first person to have thought that it seems like a bit of a waste of time. It's basically an aspect of foreplay that's been inexplicably upgraded to sex in its own right, like an anonymous chorus girl who suddenly pushes the lead actress out of her way to grab centre stage.

Frottage as a core sexual activity has a reputation as something for those either in the closet or in denial. There's an element of blokiness to it as, to put it delicately, no orifice gets invaded. If necessary it can be dismissed as two curious guys having a bit of fun, in a way that other forms of sex can't.

Frottage has been brought to my attention as I've been chatting to a guy online who lists it as the self-imposed limit of his sexual activity. He gave me a link to the frottage website frotmen.org, and exploring it has been an interesting peek into yet another specialised sexual community.

First of all, never trust a website with clashing fonts, a lack of frames and less structure than a bowl of custard.

Second of all, never trust any sex-based group that feels the need to publish "policy papers".

Third of all, a minor activity cannot be used a define a larger morality. Symbolise it, yes, but not define it. I'm all for monogamy, fidelity and love, but these things are grandly out of scale with the act of rubbing one's penis against another man.

Fourthly, fifthly, and so on until well into the triple figures, frottage is not a "holy sacrament". It's not the act of a "warrior". It doesn't result in "salvation", unless of course the particular problem from which you need saving is not having a penis rubbed against you. And doing it rather than anal sex doesn't make you less gay.

My online friend is very excited about being a Frotman. I feel like saying to him, "Call it whatever you like, dude, but I know a cult when I see one." There's nothing particularly noble or warrior-like about any niche sexual activity. Sex is primarily an intimate act of love, not a philosophical statement.