Family portrait.

Sigh.

Having trouble breathing...

Lust... too... overpowering...

Seriously, how do you look like this and not have an aneurysm from your own hotness?

In which Google taunts me.

I'm feeling kinda lonely at the moment.

Surely, I've been thinking, I'm not the only gay man who is facing a lonely and desperate single life. Out of interest, I googled "gay and alone", in the assumption that there would be a welter of blogs from men in the same position as me. 

I am so naive. 

Google "gay and alone" and all you get is an apparently endless line of noisy little twinks shreiking "OMG I'M 21 AND I DON"T HAVE A BOYFRIEND I'M TOTALLY GOING TO BE ALONE FOREVER HOW WILL I DEAL WITH THIS!!1!?" 

Then, if you follow their blog to its current post, it's invariably something to the effect of "OMG Trent surprised me with breakfast in bed today because it's our 18 month anniversary! He is soooooo cute and my soul mate and I'm the luckiest man in the world! Love you baby!!!" 

For added self-torture, you can backtrack to the posts immediately following the all-caps one, and discover that after a few more drama queen episodes the blog goes mysteriously silent for a few months before bursting back into life with more of the same, only the complaints are about something else and the "I" is now "we". 

This is the problem. I'm looking for help and identification from the blogs of people who are actually gay and alone forever, and instead I just get a bunch of whiny attention whores who feel gay and alone "forever" because they haven't had a boyfriend for a week. And if I read one more blog in which commenters pat some teenager on the hand and pretend that being 19 and not having a boyfriend is a genuine problem, or is in any way indicative of what their life will be like in 20 years' time, I'm going to hunt them down and beat them to death with their own copies of Dan Savage's autobiography. 

Those bitches don't understand what "forever" means, never mind what "alone" means. 

I do have one friend who appears to be a another genuine "forever alone" man, and while I'd be delighted for him to find someone I must admit that I do take comfort from the fact that he proves that I'm not the only one. My only fear is that, in the past, whenever I've thought, "Well, I may be alone, but at least I have my friend X, my brother in forever aloneness, to share the burden with me," friend X invariably ends up finding someone tout suite. 

Following that logic, what I need to do is get my friend thinking that about me. And then my Mr Right will pop up like a jack-in-the-box.