Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Just somethng I came across online



While browsing the profiles on gaydar recently, I happened upon one containing a link to a video website.

'This might be cool', I thought, not really noting what the URL was. If I'd know that it was to xtube.com, I must have been more circumspect.

After I'd looked at the 30 second video, I had to ask myself a couple of questions: who posts a video of himself wanking on the internet? And who puts a link to that video on his online dating profile?

No guy I'd ever want to meet, that's who.

Did he really think this through? What are we supposed to learn from this video - that he has a penis and can ejaculate? Wow, that's a really uncommon skill among the gay male population.

Frankly I'd be more impressed by a guy who knew the value of restraint. The thrill of anticipation beats instant gratification any day.

Monday, May 26, 2008

I hope my many thousands of readers can enlighten me



I've decided to up the font size on my blog to make it more readable. Does it help? Was it fine before?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Quit toying with my sense of self-worth!



I’ve discovered a new annoying aspect of internet dating: guys who misrepresent themselves.

Pshaw, you may say… especially if you are some kind of weird 19th century throwback. Misrepresentation in internet dating is as old as the internet itself. Indeed, the very first internet dating profile was probably Tim Berners-Lee boasting that he could benchpress his own weight and that he drove a Porsche.

Well, while it’s true that misrepresentation itself isn’t new, I believe I’ve discovered a new angle – guys who misrepresent down.

I’ve been chatting to a guy on gaydar whom I thought seemed nice. His profile picture showed an average-looking guy, perhaps a little out of shape and perhaps a little awkward. Since I’m a fairly average sort of guy, I thought that maybe he and I might be suitable for each other. So we arranged to have a coffee date.

However, when I rolled up to the cafĂ©, the guy in the profile photo was nowhere to be seen. Instead, he’d sent his considerably hotter brother. If he was the same person, as he claimed, then the profile photo must have been taken under fluorescent lights, after he’d been awake for 24 hours, and possibly after he’d just heard that his boyhood puppy had died.

I mean, what sort of guy posts a profile photo that actually makes him look worse than he really is?

So we had our coffees and chatted. He was a nice guy, and interesting to talk to, but we both seemed to realize that he was way out of my league. We parted after an hour with no more intention to meet again other than a basic, “I’ll message you.”

The annoying thing is that if I’d known how tall, dark and handsome he really was, I never would have bothered to express an interest in him in the first place. But now, thanks to his misrepresenting down, he’d wasted an hour of his life and I’d had my nose rubbed in the fact that there’s a world of hot, desirable men out there that I can’t have.

I’ll be charitable and assume that because he’s just come out of a relationship with another hot guy, and that they were probably surrounded by a social circle of other hot guys, maybe he just assumed that being hot was normal. Maybe the fact that he’s been out of circulation a while means that he’s forgotten what truly average looks like.

Still, it kind of pisses me off.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Getting around to it at last



It took some discipline, but I finally managed to sit down with BN2 and discuss our relationship. Even the phrase "discuss our relationship" sends cold shivers down my spine, so I'm glad we've got it out of the way. "Discussing our relationship" always reminds me of Samantha Jones' famous summation of lesbianism; "nothing but taking baths together and talking about our relationship!"

Contrary to my apprehensions, BN2 claimed that he's not interested in a relationship. He likes the travel and the potential that his current career affords him, and he doesn't want to be tied down to a home and a partner. In fact he wants considerably less than a relationship, as this part of our conversation demonstrated:

Me: So we'll sorta be "friends with benefits".

BN2: I already have plenty of friends. I don't need any more friends.

Me: Okay. So just the "benefits" part, then.

I guess that makes us booty caller and booty callee. I've never been the object of a booty call before. How modern!

The only question is, do I believe him? As great relationship philosophers have noted since the dawn of time, "Whoever cares least, wins": maybe he's just defending himself by claiming to be less interested in me than he really is. Certainly his recent behaviour hasn't suggested that he's just in this for the booty.

Then again, I'm not exactly an expert in these things. I guess I just wait and continue to see how things unfold.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Why are things so damn complicated?



Last Thursday I saw BN2 for the first time in over two weeks, thanks to him being away on business overseas, and as usual we ended up in his bed. And maybe it’s because we hadn’t seen each other in a while, but it was the wildest sex we’ve ever had.

Lying there afterwards, exhausted and drenched in sweat, he told me he hadn’t had sex like that since he was a teenager. I was just impressed that he’d come five or six times (yes, I was counting) in barely an hour.

But there was something that troubled me. When we were talking later I noticed that he’d lost the flirtatious banter that characterizes most of our pillow talk. His kisses were suddenly gentle and tender, rather than rough and sexy. It was as if in his mind we’d suddenly evolved from being a couple of gay guys fooling around with each other and become something… more.

And I didn’t like that one bit.

Here I was worrying about me falling for him, and now it seems that he’s falling for me instead. Over the last few weeks I’ve realized that while I like BN2 and enjoy the making out and the sex, I’m not particularly interested in taking things further. He’s masculine, intelligent, reasonably good-looking, kindly and successful… but there’s still something missing. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s there. Or rather it’s not there. I don’t want him to be my boyfriend and I don’t want to be his.

To be brutally honest, if he met someone else and wanted to put an end to our relationship, I might feel a little rejected for a few days but I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. Even as it is, I see him once or twice a fortnight and I have no desire to see him any more often than that. If he moved away to a distant city tomorrow, I’d barely miss him. Does that sound like love to you?

All of this might be easier to deal with if we didn’t have this strong physical component to our relationship. Unfortunately BN2 has a talent for getting my motor running. The preliminary kisses and touches quickly become more ardent and intense… and from there it’s only a few minutes until the clothes come off and the porn soundtrack begins. I don’t feel anything particularly special for him, but hey, I enjoy getting laid as much as the next guy.

But if he feels more than I do I’ve got to deal with that.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Rejected by strangers



One of the little things that irks me about the blogosphere is invitation-only blogs.

I like blog surfing. I skip around, following link to link, pursuing different perspectives on an issue or lines of relationship across the planet. But then bang! I hit a wall. After the general cordiality of the previous pages I’ve been reading, it feels like hostility. I’ve been enjoying sharing people’s thoughts and aspirations, and then suddenly I’m denied access.

It’s like going to a big, open party and talking with lots of fascinating people, then meandering into the kitchen to see who’s there only to have the door slammed in your face.

Or perhaps its like going into your local library and browsing through the books, finding one that a friend has recommended and which looks interesting, only to find that the book has a lock on it and the librarian refuses to give you a key. You expect that sort of thing in a fascist dictatorship or under a communist regime, but not on the internet.

Or perhaps most accurately of all, it’s like high school all over again… only even more unfair.

Of course people have a right to privacy. But in pursuing that right in such a brusque fashion, they help to damage the free and open nature of the blogosphere. Personally, if I want to keep my identity a secret, I’d rather mind what I say and anonymize than turn away people who might be interested in what I have to say.