Too much to ask

I hear you honey.

This guy is perfection

How is it that some guys are so drenched in sexual appeal?

Seriously, I would commit actual murder to spend a night with this.

Is it this hard for normal people?

It's encouraging to me that I seem to get better and better at this whole gay dating thing, even if the improvement is glacially slow and the eventual outcome has inevitably been failure before actual "boyfriend" status is reached.

I've now been on several dates with the sexy 25 year old Brazilian soccer player from my last post, and things are going reasonably well. We're only seeing each other an average of once a week, but we text each other virtually every day to touch base.

The main problem seems to be accessibility. He is a complete and utter fail in terms of the GTR Test. He doesn't own a car, he only has a part time evening job (since he's at college during the day), and not only does he share an apartment with some Brazilian friends, he also shares a bed, because they are five people living in a three bedroom apartment.

His bedmate is a) straight and b) female, I hasten to add.

So we can't go to his place. And it's hard for him to get to my place on the bus. And he's either working or playing soccer most evenings. And I work all day. And when none of these other things is an issue... I get a cold sore. Or he has to go to the hospital following a soccer injury. Or my parents suddenly announce they're staying with me overnight while on a visit from the country. Or there's a fucking zombie apocalypse!

We can't even spend hours chatting on our phones, because English is something of a struggle for him and Portuguese is something of an impossibility for me.

This might all sound like a fool's version of a proto-relationship, but the thing is when we are actually together the chemistry is profound. We're vigorously attracted to each other, and he's sweet and talented and six kinds of adorable. He texts me to tell me he misses me, or how he's yearning for me to kiss him, or how he just wants to snuggle up to me on the sofa and watch TV. And hey, I feel the same way.

We just never seem to get much chance to prove it.

A bangin' weekend

With all of the sadness and relational failure I post on this blog, I may be giving the impression that my sex life is perpetually empty. But while it's not unusual for a couple of months to go by between encounters, they do occur with a reasonable frequency. Although like buses, there tends to be big gaps and then two or three come at once... pun intended.

Late Friday afternoon I had a coffee date with a 33 year old mixed race engineer whom I'd originally taken to be African- American but turned out to be a more exotic mix of African, Indian and European. We both liked what we saw, so the coffee date segued into me taking him home and having a couple of hours of what can only be described as wild sex.

I'd never truly appreciated what a "power bottom" is. It was like fucking a hurricane. In the end I was so drenched in sweat that I've had to throw out my saturated pillows.

If I hadn't been in his company for the previous hour and seen him being quiet, I would have assumed that he was on drugs. But it seems he's just a guy who really, really loves sex, and specifically sex that involves his ass being pounded for hours by a big hard cock. I kept thinking that what he really needed was a couple, so that one could take over from the other when the exertion became too much.

Which is not to say that he didn't enjoy sex with me. It was interesting that he said he enjoyed the sex because he felt like he was being made love to, rather than just fucked. Apparently a lot of his encounters are blow'n'go scenarios, often with married men. Apparently I give good love.

The following night the second man, a 25 year old Brazilian student, came over to my house for our first date, to have dinner and watch a movie. We managed dinner, but afterwards I kissed him in my living room and any thought of watching 'American Hustle' went right out the window. From 7.30pm till about 1am we had sex. Then we dropped off to sleep. Then we woke up at 4am and got right back into it.

There was a lot to like about this sexual encounter. Being a shallow man, I enjoyed the fact that I spent an entire night banging a good-looking and very appreciative 25 year old Brazilian soccer player. He admitted that he wanted to kiss me from the moment he walked in my door, and he marveled at the number and variety of things we did together. He also gave me the most comprehensive blow job I think I've ever experienced.

But despite the fact that both dates went well, there is a troubling aspect. Almost every time I've topped over the last several months I've been unable to sustain an erection for the necessary amount of time. When I could stay hard both the African and Brazilian really enjoyed having me inside them, but it was over long before either of them, or me, were satisfied. I was in a position in all other respects to fuck them for as long as we wanted, but my genitals simply couldn't keep it together.

There's nothing quite so frustrating as having a hot, naked man in your bed, begging you to fuck his brains out, only to find that your cock is going, "Meh, I'm just not feelin' it" and withdrawing.

I still made both of them come - the African through mutual jerking off and the Brazilian through a blowjob - but in both cases I couldn't take them to the places they wanted.

The urgency of the need to get a cock ring seems to be growing. Which is kind of ironic.

In which I fail to make the grade, yet again.

Over the last couple of months I've had two contenders for First Boyfriend Ever. But needless to say, both relationships fell apart before the first hurdle.

The first was the more profound of the two, lasting for around six weeks. I liked him and he liked me. He was very demonstrative (we were holding hands by our second date) and he made me laugh. Sure, he smoked and sure, he drank too much and sure, he was on anti-anxiety and anti-depression and anti-ADHD medications. And sure, he had such a hairy back that being the Big Spoon was an ordeal. I could look past those things to the cute, sweet, affectionate guy behind it all.

But he grew bored and, I think, resentful that I was going away for a month's holiday in Europe, a trip I'd organised long before I met him. We were supposed to have a date on the Friday before I left and he cancelled because he was tired. So we rescheduled for the Sunday, right before I was flying out, but he stood me up and then claimed he'd fallen asleep. I figured I'd been dumped, but when I got back from Europe I reached out to him anyway. He responds to my texts, sometimes, and he did admit to wanting me once, at 1.30am, when he was drunk, but that hasn't translated into an actual meeting.

However just as this was happening, about two weeks ago, I was being determinedly pursued by another guy. He doesn't smoke or drink too much, he's attractive and sexy and goofy with a killer smile, and he can't get over how "beautiful" I am. Our first two dates quickly devolved into uncontrollable sex, but bookending the sex we both seemed to like what we were finding out about each other. It was moving fast but it felt right to both of us.

But we were supposed to have a date last night, and since Sunday morning he refused to answer my texts. Last night came and went without a word from him. Figuring he had misplaced his phone or something, I tried phoning it. I got a text soon after saying that, "there's nothing worse than speaking on the phone... it's traumatizing" and that there's "too much to handle in (his) head". I texted back to ask what was going on and offering my help if I could, but there hasn't been a response.

I should have known that anyone who thought I was "beautiful" would turn out to be mentally disturbed.

So I'm back to square one, yet again.

It's not that I don't have interest from other quarters - just nothing that's welcome. There's a friend of a friend who is desperate to date me. Sure, he's unattractive and tedious and demanding and we have nothing in common, but he wants me. Or rather he wants someone, and I'm available. And apparently I don't deserve any better than that.

It doesn't help that another friend, who is roughly the same age as me, is in the process of falling in love with an amazing guy, and he's been giving me a blow by blow account of it all. He has a knack for evocatively describing the delicious terror of meeting someone out of your league, fearing for the moment that the spell breaks and he realises he's too good for you, but then discovering that, somehow, magically, he's actually really into you too.

In addition, the sex is apparently epic. Of their most recent encounter, he said it was, "undoubtedly the most passionate and out there and enlightening sexual experience of my life"... and it seems his lover felt the same way.

Of course I am both jealous of him and hopeful for him: hey, I'm a human being and I'm allowed to have contradictory feelings about the situation. The cynic in me notes that he's tall and freakishly fit and a very engaging person... of course he's going to find love sooner or later. The optimist in me notes that if he can find love in his mid-40s, maybe there's the slim possibility that the rest of us can too.

An event not to be missed!

Hey everybody! There's a sale on gays!

You know, I've been looking for an attractive new top - something summery that fits me well. Hell, at these prices I might just get two!

Oh, to be the meat in this sandwich...

Just when I think that I couldn't be more turned on...

I notice that sexy, quizzical little lift of his eyebrow and the lust fires even higher.

Myth No. 3

Myth: There's nothing unusual about a child being raised by two daddies.

Fact: It's so rare that the figures barely register as statistics.

I was intrigued to read a factoid recently about the number of children being raised by gay couples. Despite what fashionable TV shows depict, the numbers are tiny - in Australia, fewer than three children in a thousand, or 0.3%, are being raised by a same sex couple.

Also interestingly, the vast majority of those children are being raised by lesbians, and the vast majority of those children being raised by lesbians are the biological children of one of the lesbian parents. It's hard to find definitive statistics, but it would appear that for every nine children with two mothers there is only one with two fathers.

As such, the popular image of two gay men with their adopted child is about as common as being struck by lightning. To put it into perspective: I live in a city of two million people, including around four hundred thousand children. Statistically, this means that in this entire city there are maybe three dozen children with two daddies... barely enough to fill a typical primary school classroom.

And furthermore, that three dozen is actually dominated by gay men raising their biological children from a previous straight relationship with a new boyfriend, not by two gay men choosing to have a child together.

There were some other interesting facts that came to light during my googling around. In the US, which has a far higher adoption rate than Australia, around 1 in every 780 children is being raised by either a gay male couple or a single gay male. But 1 in 234 is being raised by either a lesbian couple or a single lesbian. Given that lesbians can generate their own children without much fuss, while gay men can only get a child by taking it away from somebody else, this discrepancy is hardly surprising.

I found this graph fascinating too.

In the US, 22% of children in same sex parented households are not adopted or fostered, and are not the offspring or step-children of the householder. Which leaves... what? I assume scenarios like younger siblings being raised by an older brother and his boyfriend after the loss of their parents. Or a gay couple taking in a teenaged gay boy thrown out by his family. Or a high school student living with her gay uncle and his partner while she goes to a good school because her parents live in a one horse town in the middle of nowhere.

It's hard to draw any precise conclusions from these figures, since the data is ambiguous, reliant on a lot of self-identifying, and based on tiny sample groups. It's worth noting that in one study of the US census, it was suspected that nearly half of the same sex couples identified were in fact coding errors; that is, idiots in heterosexual relationships ticking the wrong box.

The other interesting observation I read was that since lesbians overwhelming dominate same sex parenting, most data about the outcomes of children raised by "homosexuals" is primarily about children raised by lesbians. Gay male couples who parent are actually so rare that there really isn't any specific evidence of positive or negative outcomes for the children in their care, despite the statements made by both gay activists or anti-gay activists.