In which I get my bitch on, big time

Yesterday, while I was looking through an online shopping review site and thinking, "Who in this world really needs an electric wine bottle opener?" I noticed a banner ad for something called interracialgaydating.com.

It seemed rather specific, not to mention old fashioned. In these enlightened times who cares about race anymore, especially in the gay world, where possession of hard abs and a penis is more important than colour, creed or number of arms? But I was intrigued, so I had a look.

And I'm glad I did. If I were a cruel man I could make fun of interracialgaydating.com... and hey, since I am a cruel man, I will!

At best the tone of the site suggests that nobody should go there looking for love, but rather to collect the entire United Colors of Benetton Bedpost Notches. Black, brown, white, yellow - collect the whole set! Reducing a man to the colour of his skin rather than the content of his character is the sort of thing that should have gone out with segregated schools and smoking in hospitals, but it lives on here.

Of course this isn't the glossy high end of gay internet dating. If gaydar gets the gold medal in the Gay Dating Website marathon, and gaymatchmaker gets the silver or the bronze, then interracialgaydating gets the Tries Hard award. You remember, the award they gave to the Special Needs kid back in high school when he wheezed his way over the finish line half an hour after everyone else.

Excuse me for getting my bitch on, but I'm forced to this conclusion by the site itself. You only need to have a look at the membership, which is equally divided between unloveable losers and the ex-cons who prey on them. Old, fat weirdos with the social skills of an autistic toddler, versus hardened, skeezy men with cold eyes and bad tattoos. It seems to have evolved from an interracial dating site into Prison Pen Pals: The Inevitable Consequences.

I don't know about you, but I am so turned on right now.

In reality there are a few hotties - for example a hunky homeboy from Memphis with the sort of body that makes the average gay man drool. But if you read his profile you'll discover that he doesn't have a permanent address but does have a child, and that he works casually in "construction", and that he doesn't believe that age or looks matter in a relationship... all of which suggest a dim but crafty straight boy looking for a desperate gay man to exploit. From his perspective it probably doesn't seem like such a bad idea - you've just got out of prison, you've no job and nowhere to live, no woman with any money will touch you with a barge pole, but there's a number of gainfully employed gay guys who quiver at the thought of being your bitch. You could do worse.

And then, back on the other side of the equation, there are guys like this:

In my mind his name is Gunther, and he's looking for men who share his polymer glue fetish. Look at that creepy, unsmiling stare and feel your heart race!

It's enough to make you a) go straight and b) join the racial supremacy group of your choice.

Hey, I did warn you I was getting my bitch on big time.