I hate it when problems don't have clear solutions.

The business with BN2, as covered in my last post, has thrown me off more than I could have realised. I've been cheerfully asserting that 2011 will be my year, the year in which I meet many new men and attain many milestones in my gay relationship journey... but I'm starting to realise how tenuous this can be. It doesn't take much - an unanswered text, a "postponed" date - for my self-confidence to be rattled.

Beyond my friends KCG and the Human Dynamo, up until recently I had six men whom I was seeing in some sort of capacity. I was rather excited by this, but it seems that they are all dead ends. I'm only attracted to half of them and I'm not hopeful about any of them. And I get the impression that none of them are terribly fussed about me either. This may simply be in response to my own inertia, but there it is.

In the last few days, I've discovered that one of them has reunited with his ex, another is seeing someone else, and a third has turned down my last two suggestions for dates, which implies that he regrets his initial interest. Of the remaining three, one is a very poor match who seems to be communicating with me largely because he has nothing better to do. Another is a lovely guy with whom I have much in common, but he's a little strange and occasionally off-putting and there's zero sexual chemistry. And finally there's The Virtuoso, probably the best dating relationship I have right now... whom I haven't seen for more than two weeks.

Combined with the fact that KCG and the Human Dynamo are both seeing new guys (KCG claims that his new man is just a friend, but I'm sensing vibes), and I'm suddenly feeling very lonely and depressed. I've realised that while I was supposed to go out on five dates last week, none of them actually resulted in me and another gay man being in the same room together. A couple got held up at work, two guys were ill, and one had to do emergency babysitting. Or at least those were their respective stories.

In short it seems that everyone is, very suddenly, having more success than me. And I was doing so well there for a while.