Loving the way he makes me feel about myself

The Kinda Cute Guy and I had our second ‘date’ last night, starting at a bar and ending up later in the evening at a café. I say ‘date’ in inverted commas because romance is not officially on our agenda – we’re just gay guys looking to expand our social horizons and find a new friend. Officially.

Our first “date” lasted three hours and had several awkward pauses. The second “date” lasted six hours and flowed pretty smoothly (especially after we’d packed away a couple of martinis). And I’m pretty sure I didn’t imagine the faintest thrum of sexual tension between us.

Naturally I’m delighted by all this. He really is wonderful. He’s cheery and thoughtful and intelligent, good-hearted and generous, and… well, kinda cute. I recall at one point, fairly late in the evening, he was telling me something and I wasn't paying a blind bit of attention because I was gazing into his eyes and noticing how they seemed to sparkle, and how the day’s worth of stubble he wore gave him a little hint of grrrrr that he hadn’t had the previous time.

Later as we walked back to our cars I had a strong urge to put my arm around him. Not to initiate some sort of sexual activity, or to lay some claim to him, or to affect some sort of “buddy” thing. I just wanted to have a sense of physical contact with someone who was touching me in an intellectual and emotional sense.

But I resisted, because I don’t want to screw this up. Instead we said our goodbyes and agreed to meet up again in the middle of next week.

He’s like no other guy I’ve ever met, and more importantly, he makes me feel like I’ve never felt before. He fills my mind with possibilities and potential, and makes me feel as if good things might happen. So I hope he genuinely likes me, because I’m sure as hell falling for him.

But I’m mindful of the pivotal line in ‘There’s Something About Mary’: “You don’t love her. You just love the way she makes you feel about yourself.” And I worry that this is exactly what I’m projecting onto Kinda Cute Guy.