Why now? Why not three months ago? DAMN IT!

Like an irritating older sibling, my life seems to be intent on teasing me to breaking point.

I spent yesterday getting gradually more and more wound up about KCG. He hadn't communicated with me other than a couple of texts on Saturday morning, even after I emailed him on Sunday afternoon. We've established that I really like him, and the thought that he might be ambivalent about me fills me with pain and dread. Having glimpsed what it might be like to know someone I really care about, I was becoming not so much "interested" as "obsessed".

Clearly I am high maintenance and do not deserve human relationships. And I'm nuts. But you've probably already worked that out.

So when I left my office and went home I looked for distractions. I did some hard digging work in my garden until it got too dark, then went on gaydar for a while. I noticed that a guy I'd looked at a while ago had tagged me as "nice". I messaged him to say thanks and to return the compliment, since he was, not to put too fine a point on it, hot. Before I knew it he was asking me out.

I actually messaged him back saying, "Really? I'm not sure I'm your type." But even after I sent him a clearer picture of what I look like, and stressed that any meeting we had definitely wasn't going to segue into a hook up, he was still keen. So we're meeting at a local cafe this evening.

If KCG is the Kinda Cute Guy, then I think this man will have to be FHBG... Frankly Hot Bi Guy. That's one of the reasons why I'm interested in meeting him. I don't think I've ever met a genuine bisexual before, and I'm intrigued to know how it works. Scientific studies have suggested that true bisexuality is extremely rare, so I'd like to know how he identifies as such. There's nothing like the spirit of scientific enquiry... mixed with the appeal of rugged good looks, a charming smile and a tasty body.

So, mission accomplished - I spent very little time last night thinking about KCG. And naturally within a couple of hours of setting up a date with FHBG, KCG had sent me not one but two emails, including an adorable in-joke photo that more or less melted my heart. Then two more messages this morning.

DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!

I have to remind myself that seeing FHBG tonight doesn't mean anything. KCG and I are nothing more than new friends right now. FHBG might not show up. He may show up, take one look at me and suddenly remember that he needs to be somewhere else. Or he may be a complete asshole. And it'll probably do me good to have my attention divided for a day or two, as we've already seen how crazy I get when it's focused on one person.

But if FHBG turns out to be a nice guy? Well, let's just say that it would be outrageously cruel of Fate to introduce me to a guy who appeals to my mind and my heart, then go and throw me a different guy who appeals to a somewhat lower part of my anatomy.

Still, on the bright side, I don't seem to be lonely any more.