Notes from two realities

So... my report on last night's date:

Last night was the worst date ever. FHBG, when he eventually turned up, was nothing like his pictures... and he had the audacity to suggest that my picture put me in a good light! The conversation was boring and stilted, as if we were both going through the motions and secretly thinking about something more interesting, like our tax returns. When we parted barely an hour after we met, we saw me off with, "Well, I guess I'll see you around," which is quite possibly the lamest thing one can say after a bad date. What a boorish, unattractive, unpleasant man, I thought. I am lucky to be rid of him.

Or at least that's how the date went in a parallel universe in which my life is a lot simpler.

The TRUTH is that the date was wonderful. Besides being smokin' hot, FHBG is also a delightful person. Within ten minutes of meeting we were bantering back and forth like old friends. I felt comfortable enough to ask him about bisexuality, and it seems that he really is genuinely sexually attracted to both genders. His gay friends tell him that he's wrong and just in denial, but to me that's the equivalent of Westboro Baptists telling them that they've made a lifestyle choice to be gay. FHBG's personal experience is the best measure of who he is and how he feels, and it's a little patronising to make blanket judgements from outside.

We chatted about life and work, bitched about gaydar and the freaky men within, and discovered a mutual devotion to martinis. And over the course of the evening there was a definite, and mutual, increase in flirting and attraction. After coffee we walked to another cafe and had some food, then I walked him back to his car, and got him to give me a lift back to mine.

Then I gave him a flash of the old GTR charm and demanded that he prove to me that he really was interested in men as well as women.

So we kissed, and it was the sort of rough, fierce, passionate kiss that left us both gasping. I'd forgotten how good it can be to kiss a guy who knows what he's doing. He dragged me into the crook of his shoulder, so that his bicep was pressed into the back of my head, while his hands stroked my shoulder, arm and my thigh. I ran my fingers through his hair and caressed the line of his jaw, and teased the hairs at the hollow of his throat. We kissed so hard and so long that my lips are still chafed. And when we pulled back and gazed into each other's eyes, it was pretty clear that we were both buzzing with the same thought: we need to fuck, at length, as soon as humanly possible.

If we'd been anywhere near a bed, rather than in his cramped Toyota, we probably would have gone for it then and there. As it is we'll just have to see how our schedules align.

So there you have it. A month ago I was aching with lonliness. Now suddenly I have two sweet, good-natured men stepping into my life, one who makes my head spin and my heart yearn, and one who makes me weak at the knees. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.