There's a reason why "hook up" and "hooker" have the same root

On Monday night FHBG and I got our schedules aligned and hooked up at his place. While it wasn't quite what I'd had in mind, what it lacked in romance it made up for in hot, heavy action.

I stand by my earlier assessment of FHBG as a sweet and good-natured person. However he is also promiscuous, amoral and fairly shallow. The majority of his partners are married men cheating on their wives, or couples wanting some extra action. He's no stranger to the threeway or the sex party. The idea of going for two and a half years without penetrative sex, as I have since parting ways with BN2, was baffling to him. "Why didn't you just go on gaydar and find someone?" he asked, as if the personal qualities of the various men there had no bearing on the issue.

I'm not drawing from a vast reservoir of experience, but the sex was good. He wasn't up for any repeat performances, but his one showing was a good, long, hard shag. The best compliment he offered was to appreciatively moan, halfway through, "What stupid fuck let you go?" It occured to me that the lack of claim on me is mostly my own fault, but I was too busy trying to brace myself against the headboard to say anything coherent.

The telling part of any sexual encounter is in the aftermath, and so it was with us. We chatted and nuzzled for a while, naked on his bed, but I noticed that he was looking at the ceiling rather than me.

After sex there's three basic modes of expression. There's Hostile, which is the scenario in which your partner makes it quite clear he wants you gone right now. There's Affection, which is the lying together all night scenario. Then somewhere between the two there's Mild Embarassment. Suddenly being naked, sweaty and spent with another person seems odd, and rather off-putting. He's too polite, or relaxed, or grateful to want you gone, but then the absurdity and awkwardness of having had such intimacy with a virtual stranger is still there.

When I had sex with BN2 he always wanted me to stay around and spend the night with him, so there was genuine affection there. With FHBG, there was the sense that a mutual itch had been scratched. As I was driving home I almost felt like a hooker who wasn't getting paid. So while I wouldn't be averse to another good, long, hard shag with FHBG, I'm not in any hurry.

All of this reinforces what I already knew: I want sex to be a natural extension of the meaningful relationship I have with another man, not the core of that relationship. Now I just have to find a meaningful relationship with another man.