Diet Angst is even more pathetic than Diet Coke

I had a couple of drinks last night at the pub with KCG, and it made me realise that our immediate future isn't rosy. He's friendly enough, but his position appears to be something like this: "You're a nice guy. Not really what I'm looking for, but hey, I don't see the harm in letting you hang around. On the periphery."

This isn't the absolutely worst thing that could have happened - that would be if he decided he never wanted to see me again - but it's not far off the bottom of the list of preferable outcomes. I accept that I'm unlikely to be able to have a romantic relationship with KCG, but my sights are aimed lower than that. KCG's wider social circle seems to include the kind of thoughtful, accepting, good-hearted gay men I want to know but have been unable to find on my own, and it seems logical that there'd be potential for meeting someone suitable for me in their ranks. For example when he described the ex with whom he parted ways earlier this year ("attractive, deep, caring, intelligent"), it took all of my self-control not to blurt out, "Well if you're finished with him, can I have his phone number?"

Unfortunately KCG is a bit of an introvert, and apparently not given to hosting dinner parties or gatherings at which I might meet any of these wonderful men. I find myself tantalisingly close to a paradise of possibility, but I can't quite reach it. The only course of action at the moment appears to be one of patience: eventually he'll slip up and actually introduce me to somebody. I just have to not come on too strong and freak him out with my neediness before that.

And that's how pathetic I am. Normal gay men get themselves worked up over a guy they love who only wants to be their friend. I get myself worked up over a guy I like who only wants to be an acquaintance. It's like romantic angst with only half the calories.