You're either Channing Tatum or Jabba the Hutt

One of the things I've discovered as I dip my toe into the big pink ocean of gayitude is that it's ruled by the principle of Hot or Not.

I like to think that there is a scale of acceptability when looking for prospective partners. At one end, the attractive, hot bodied sex god who is also charming, funny, good natured and kind hearted... and rich. At the other end, the ugly, smelly, disease-ridden mutant with an abrasive personality, countless neuroses and dangerously psychopathic tendencies... who has failed at everything he's ever done. Between these extremes lie everyone else. Finding the right partner involves recognising your place in the spectrum and looking around at others in a similar position.

But apparently this spectrum idea isn't popular. My experience suggests that while I'm bumbling along in analogue, every other gay man thinks in binary. Either you are The One or you are The Zero.

There appears to be a certain level of looks, personality and charisma that makes a man a One. If you are a One, then the world is your sexual and romantic oyster. If your relationship (or even your one night stand) falls apart for some reason, there are a hundred other men elbowing each other in the doorway trying to get your attention.

But if, for some reason, you fail to make the grade, then you are a Zero. Nobody wants you. Even other Zeros don't want you - they're all clamouring after the Ones. You're doomed to a lifetime of desperate loneliness and crushed hopes.

The weird thing is that there's no inbetween here. No one is "okay". You're either "great" or "terrible", and I'm pretty sure this isn't the case in the straight world.

At this point I don't know if I'm a One or a Zero. I do know that if I see an interesting-looking guy on GMM, or meet one at a party, I generally find myself being ignored. This would be understandable if these guys were Calvin Klein models, but they're just ordinary men with various pluses and minuses. That doesn't bode well.

I guess I just have to hope that I'm not the only one looking for someone who's "okay".