Once, twice, three times a horny frustrated loser.

So I have three guys, mentioned in my last post, who are interested in me... but it's a vague interest. I exist in a twilight space in which I have a lot of potential but no actual activity.

I was supposed to have a first date with Guy Three last night, but he cancelled early that morning after waking up sick. This is the second time he's cancelled on me - the first due to work, the second due to illness - and while I believe his excuses to be genuine it's hard not to feel jerked around.

Meanwhile I'm hoping that Guy Two will get back in touch tonight, since he arrived home from interstate last night, but who knows if he actually will.

And Guy One had some minor surgery last week and hasn't been online much lately, so I have no idea what's happening there.

The thing is... I'm horny. Part of the sudden change in my attitude after Mr Singular rejected me has also ramped up my sex drive. I still don't want to go through the ordeal of No Strings Attached sex, which I can only see as sex with an unhappy ending. But I'm not demanding a partner or even a boyfriend. A Friend With Benefits or, at worst, a fuckbuddy would do me for the moment. I have three guys who would seem to fit the bill quite well, but between sickness, work, and a desire not to appear desperate we're simply not managing to get an introductory meeting, let alone a night together.

As for Mr Singular... I saw him on Saturday morning for a late breakfast, and as I was leaving I asked where we were at. There was forgiveness on both sides, yes, but did he want to get back togther or did he want to just be friends? He opted for friends, for the moment, with the door open for more. Although rather ominously he warned me that a few months down the track that door could well close.

I wasn't worried. It means I can pursue other relationships with a clear conscience.

However by evening we had arranged to meet at my place for drinks and a movie, and I found myself with his feet in my lap. I gave him a foot massage. He gave one in return, and then moved on to a hand massage. Is this something that "just friends" do? I wondered. What's he playing at?

I have a suspicion that he's trying to manoeuvre me into being his Standby Fag Fag: a sexually interested but impotent friend to entertain him when his Main Fag Fag is otherwise occupied. Needless to say that's not going to happen. But I also recognise that every suspicion I've ever had about Mr Singular has been utterly wrong, so for the moment I'm going to suspend judgement.