All I want is a room somewhere... stuffed with horny naked firemen

Sometimes you'll hear a guy say something along the lines of, "All I'm looking for is someone who loves me." Usually followed by the coda, "Is that so much to ask? I mean really?"

I've occasionally had thoughts that run along similar lines. It really helped get my attitude into perspective when I actually met someone who seemed happy to oblige. That forced me to challenge and refine my preconception.

Let's be frank: finding someone who might love you isn't an impossible task. You just need to set your standards at the appropriate depth. If you're a fairly plain 20-something with a mediocre job and listless conversation skills, try looking for an ugly 40-something unemployed man with more issues than The New Yorker. Faced with a (comparatively) hot (comparatively) young thing, he'll think all of his Christmases have come at once and woo you like there's no tomorrow.

But that's not what you meant when you said, "All I'm looking for is someone who loves me", is it? When we say that all we want is to find someone to love us, what we really want is for the people whom we consider loveable to love us. We want to be considered attractive by the people we find attractive. We want to be deemed amusing by the people we find amusing, worldly by the people we consider worldly, clever and stylish by the people we identify as clever and stylish. It's not good enough for them to love us - it has to be a lovefest in both directions.

That's what we want. It's just important that we admit it and stop deluding ourselves that "all I'm looking for is someone who loves me."