I was never terribly good at chemistry

Over the last few days I’ve been out on a couple of dates with a guy I met through GMM.

On paper we’re a very good match. We both like jazz and respect the English language, we’re both intelligent and articulate, and we’re both professionals who are unusually clean-living (for gay men). We’re both relatively straight-acting, and neither of us has any inclination to visit a gym.

The problem is… well, I’m not exactly sure. Our first date ended chastely but with both of us wanting to go out again. Our second date, two days later, also ended chastely, with an agreement to go out again but perhaps not quite as much excitement at the prospect. During the second date our conversation lagged a few times, and I noticed that he didn’t respond to my sense of humour as well as most people do. Maybe that was the problem.

On the other hand, maybe the problem is just that he’s so damn sexy. He’s boyishly good looking and well-built, with a gorgeous smile and pretty blue eyes I could gaze into for hours. During pauses in our conversations I wanted nothing more than to lean over, stroke my fingers through his hair and kiss him long and slow. But I didn’t, because I wasn’t getting any cues from him that he wanted me to. If he were less attractive, maybe it would be easier for me to decide that we were lacking in chemistry and shift my attention elsewhere.

So now I’m wondering if I just want him for what he represents rather than him personally. He’s a handsome, available gay man who wants to spend time with me, and as a result I’m seeing him as object for all of the sensuality that’s been bottled up inside me. I don’t just want to kiss him – I want to caress him, run my hands all over his body, and gently cup his head or his shoulders in my hands as I pull him close.

Oh, and obviously I want to fuck his brains out. I’m not going to pretend otherwise. But that’s just the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.

I’ve decided that something has to happen on our third date, even if it’s just a goodnight kiss. If we don’t take that step, I can see us sliding into an uneventful friendship, and I think I have enough friends. What I want is a lover.