The dangers of a sub-contracted social life

Over the last couple of days I've been considering my relationships with a few platonic male friends. Or at least, I've been considering my relationships with their wives.

I have a number of friends who are basically big, friendly dogs trapped in human male bodies. They're bumbling, gregarious, fun-loving and loyal. They see the best in every person they meet, and they don't have a mean bone in their bodies.

Their wives, on the other hand, are pleasant enough - even friendly on a superficial level - but they're not as easygoing as their husbands. Perhaps because they're married to anthropomorphised Golden Retrievers, they're... well, let's be charitable and say "protective".

When I talk to these wives at parties, they tend to fix me with the same shrewd stare. This stare says, "I don't understand you. You get on well with my husband but you don't have a wife, therefore something is wrong. I don't like my husband being around wrongness, and I'm not sure I approve of you."

It's not actual antagonism; merely a sort of un-preference. But since wives generally control the social lives of couples, I'm pushed down low on the priority list for dinner parties or intimate gatherings. She feels more comfortable with other couples who are following the same Life Script. Before you know it, my friend's cry of "Hey, come over and have a beer tonight!" has become "Hey, we really should get together sometime."

This has been in my mind lately because one of my good friends is getting married in a few weeks. Perhaps I'm being overdramatic, but his fiance's position seems to be, "He used to belong to you, his gaggle of friends. Now he belongs to me. I will decide his activites from now on, and if you want to see him you'd better remain in my good books."

I see this guy at least once a week, and I've met her maybe four times, total, since they started dating. She tolerates his life rather than embracing it. I fear that she's found a good man, she's snagged him, and she can't wait to dump all of his social baggage and remake their circle to her own tastes.

A year from now, I'll probably be struggling to remember what he looks like.