Here's hoping for mediocrity!

I'm still spending time with Mr Singular, even though we are, as far as I can tell, on break from a realtionship which has never been defined. We've hung out together, and we chat on email every couple of days.

We had dinner at his place last night, then went out to a jazz club. While we were queueing to get in, there was a 20-something bleach blonde gay guy in front of us. When I mentioned to Mr Singular that I'd forgotten to print out our booking number, Bleach Blonde overheard and made a friendly comment. He and I exchanged a few sentences, and then his party went in and I immediately forgot him.

However later at our table Mr Singular opined that he'd been hitting on me.

"Yeah, right", I responded.

"While I was standing right there", Mr Singular continued. "I was just about ready to punch him out!"

I made a noncommital answer, but I thought, Okay, what is this? We're not together. What do you care if another guy allegedly flirts with me? Is it because you're jealous that I was getting attention and not you? Or because he assumed that you weren't important to me? Or because you don't like the idea of me getting attention from someone else?

The more I know about Mr Singular the more I believe that he isn't in the right place for a relationship at the moment. He's filled with hurt and hate, originating in things that happened to him months or years ago. He is trying to find a therapist, although his work schedule requires him to find someone who consults outside normal office hours. Until he does, I'm afraid he's going to be stuck in a rut of impotent anger, blame and corrosive behavior.

I'm very attracted to him. I enjoy spending time with him. But do I actually like him? I don't know. In light of the fulfilling, monogamous relationships that KCG and The Human Dynamo are in, I'm painfully aware that my relationship with Mr Singular is below mediocre. Even if it kinda worked out between us, it would only rise to the level of relationships that KCG and The Human Dynamo have tried and rejected as being inadequate. Let me state that again: if my relationship with Mr Singular worked out, it'd still be a scenario that they'd reject if it happened to them. The best I can hope for... the best I've managed in seven years of trying... is still sub-standard.